• Movie Preview •

Colin Firth, Thomas Sanger, Ben Kingsley, Aishwarya Rai. Action/adventure. Written by Jez and Tom Butterworth. Directed by Doug Lefler.

FILM SYNOPSIS: Barbarians overtake Rome and kidnap the newest Caesar, a 12-year-old boy. The surviving captain of the guard sees Rome completely destroyed and goes after the abducted emperor with the aid of a handful of assorted warriors, including a beautiful martial arts expert from India. Once they have the boy back, and this really big sword, they find themselves in battle after battle as they search for a new kingdom.

PREVIEW REVIEW: Twelve-year-old Romulus Augustus, the newest Caesar, learns quickly that the barbarians truly are at the gate. His legions are off somewhere and soon he’s without an empire, left with only a handful of warriors who look like they’re out of a Conan movie rather than members of the Roman army. Together they search for sanctuary as they cross rough terrain and battle everybody but Conan. I mean there’s a lot of sword play. Trouble is, the battle sequences are so ineptly staged and filmed that it feels more like a TV-made movie. And that’s about all there is to this movie. Some masked villain is determined to kill off the boy king and take his place, ruling the known world. He’s got a lot of henchmen willing to do his bidding and, though fierce warriors themselves, they’re no match for our small band of killer elites.

With probably the most absurd take on the Excalibur legend yet brought to the screen, aided by functional performances that do little to inspire (listening to Colin Firth’s speech to the troops before the final battle, one wonders why they didn’t all go back to their farms) and listless direction and blah cinematography, it’s easy to understand why critics weren’t invited to an early screening. The studio knew the job was blown, and so they hoped to get a little back on their investment from those hearty first weekenders who must see attractions that first Friday and Saturday night come hell or high water.

Well, nobody got hurt. Moviegoers have survived many a poor theatrical offering and filmmakers have botched other action pictures even worse (audiences should have sued over last year’s Stealth). But there are a lot better films on DVD concerning Rome, or sword battles or dangerous journeys. Heck, there’s many a home movie that would be more inspiring.

Distributor: The Weinstein Company