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Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis. Epic Adventure. Written by Roland Emmerich & Harald Kloser. Directed by Roland Emmerich.

FILM SYNOPSIS: The story takes place during a fanciful, mythical age of prophesies and gods, when spirits rule the land and mighty mammoths shake the earth. In a remote mountain tribe, the young hunter, D’Leh (Steven Strait), has found his heart’s passion – the beautiful Evolet (Camilla Belle). When a band of mysterious warlords raid his village and kidnap Evolet, D’Leh is forced to lead a small group of hunters to pursue the warlords to the end of the world to save her. Driven by destiny, the unlikely band of warriors must battle saber-tooth tigers and prehistoric predators and, at their heroic journey’s end, they uncover a Lost Civilization. Their ultimate fate lies in an empire beyond imagination, where great pyramids reach into the skies. Here they will take their stand against a powerful god who has brutally enslaved their people.

PREVIEW REVIEW: There’s no swearing in this movie. They could barely speak, let alone come up with satisfactory invectives, and obviously no one could misuse Jesus name – it’s B. C. Not even Hollywood could overlook that fact. And the trailer (the theatrical commercial) was solid. It was exciting seeing all those hairy elephants stepping on falling cave folk. Unfortunately, those are about the only qualities contained in Roland Emmerich and Harald Kloser script, or director Roland Emmerich completed production. For despite all the special effects (it’s laden with them), and the battle-saturated action, the film is, well boring. I don’t know, maybe I’ve outgrown my enthusiasm for dinosaur movies, but this film goes nowhere and takes a lot of our time attempting to get there. The anachronistic dialogue, the uninteresting leading couple, and the film’s pacing are unsatisfying. King Kong (the 1931 version) was a morality play, and contained armchair-grabbing original effects for its time (still holds up). Jurassic Park was funny and energized (no expense was spared). 10,000 B. C., however, is devoid of humor (well, intentional humor), originality, or excitement.

As for the Voodoo-like priestess or the film’s “spiritual” leanings, I wouldn’t worry that this will mislead youngsters. Frankly, it’s difficult to take anything here seriously, especially its take on early religion. I doubt many are going for its depiction of spiritual matters. They want to see primitive man up against prehistoric beasties. And there will also be those hoping for cave women in fur-lined bikinis. They will be disappointed. All the cave chicks wear dreadful-looking dreadlock wigs and layers of body concealing mammoth skins.

DVD Alternatives: Journey to the Center of the Earth (silly, but fun), King Kong (the original).

Distributor: Warner Bros./ Legendary Pictures